The World Through Grey Eyes
by Lottie the Typewriter
Summary: This is a series of one shots, solely through Castiel's POV. Most of these are drabble requests from my Castiel RP blog, think of it as a compilation of my favorite ones. If you would like, send in any scenario requests you might have. Rated M for Mature themes (i.e. Death) and Language.
1. Death of a Poet

Castiel was anxiously waiting in the hospital's waiting room, Rosalya was next to him, make-up was running and every so often a quick whimper or an intake of breath would come from her. She was doing her best to keep herself together, mostly for Leigh who was pacing around the room fiddling with the cellphone still in hand. He had just gotten off the phone with his parents, Castiel had heard the cries and screams from the other end. Hearing that was tough it made everything real, too real.

Castiel was praying that this was just a dream and he would wake up from a nap in the schools basement and hear Lysander's humming as he scratched some more lyrics into his notepad. But the hope of that happening again… he didn't want to think about it. Closing his eyes Castiel placed his face in his hands, he hated feeling helpless, in desperation he had already offered to donate blood when the EMTs arrived, only to get pushed aside. The ride in the ambulance to the hospital holding onto Lysander's hand was the longest 10 minutes of his life. Castiel heard the door click, he raised his head up and saw the doctor with two nurses by his side, all three of them quickly got up and went over to the weary looking professionals.

"You're Lysander's Family?" Leigh, Rosalya and Castiel all nodded at once. Panic was ripping threw Castiel's body, what did they need? Blood, a kidney, a lung? All of them Castiel was willing to part with if it meant he could have his best friend back. The doctor cleared his throat, "I'm sorry but he didn't make it," Castiel's mind went blank the words slowly sunk into his brain. "During the operation…" Flashes of their first meeting. The found Notebook. The friendly smile. A long talk about his ex. "…We found there was internal bleeding…" Castiel finally picking up his guitar again so he could help Lysander put music to his brilliant songs. Songs that the world will never get a chance to hear. "…not only in the abdomen but in his skull as well. We trie-!?"

Castiel had grabbed the doctor by the collar and shoved him against the wall, "Why don't you go back in there and do your job?! Make him better, do what you have to damnit!" He could hear Rosayla's sobs somewhere in the background, and he felt a wetness was streaming down his eyes, he didn't care about any of it. His world was falling apart and this asshole wasn't doing anything to put it right again.

"I-I'm sorry, b-but Lysander was pronounced dead a few minutes ago. W-We did all we could to save him." The words that came from the doctor shook Castiel, he didn't let go until he felt Leigh's shaking hand on his shoulders pulling him back. Castiel crumpled into Leigh and felt Rosalya holding him from behind. All he heard was a whimper from the Doctor, "I'm sorry for you're loss…." and a click of the door closing giving the three a chance to grieve.


	2. Awkward Comfort

Castiel had just entered the school whistling, he was actually in a good mood for once. Guitar bag slung over his shoulder and signed absentee notes in his hand. He was threatened on Friday to have all these notes in by the principal, not that 'Mr. Pesident-on-a-Power-trip' got to him or anything he was going to make damn sure that the little shit knew that.

Pushing the door open to the student council room he saw Melody just siting on a chair, staring blankly at the wall, eyes were red and puffy. Noticing that Castiel was there she slowly got up to greet him, something was up and Castiel knew it. He was never too fond of the President's little fangirl but she really didn't look good.

"Hey, whats wrong?" he tried to use the softest tone his voice could muster, she looked like she was about to break. Melody looked shocked at Castiel's word as if someone smacked her across the face, Castiel could see her knees were about to buckle and caught her before she crumbled to the ground, tears streaming from her eyes as she gripped onto his shirt. "W-What?" Castiel took off his guitar bag and placed it on the ground. He rubbed her back awkwardly , "What the hell happened?" From what he knew of Melody she wasn't one to show her emotions like this. _Something really bad happened_. Her cries got harder, She was getting into the hysterics, "Calm down and tell me what the fuck happened? Who died thats making you this so upset?" It dawned on him, "Where's Nathaniel?" he started to look around the room until Melody's cry nearly turned into a scream at the sound of his name, sobbing harder into Castiel's chest. _Well fuck._ He let out a heavy sigh as he shoulders dropped, he continued to rub her back.


	3. Abandoned Collar

_**Ask: 'How would it affect Castiel if Demon died?'**_

Castiel slowly walked into his empty apartment, mindlessly shutting the door behind him. Not bothering to turn the lights on he walked to to sofa and sat down. His energy was drained, he was tired and incredibly heart broken. His world felt like it was crashing in around him and there was no whine, bark or a nip at the fingers telling him he wasn't alone. Looking at the leash and collar that was still gripped in his hand with the golden diamond tag with "Demon' inscribed in it. He slowly rested his head in his hands as his shoulders started to shake, no one was here to comfort him this time. For once Castiel truly understood the meaning of being completely alone.


	4. Wreck

The sound of the door's lock clacking into place rang throughout the quiet, empty and dark apartment. Still facing the door and his hand on the deadlock knob Castiel could feel Demon jerk at his leash, attempting to move towards his food dish. Castiel barley had the energy for the walk that they had just come back from. His mind was anywhere but the present. It had been a few days since she left school, the break up was bad, but not seeing her everyday was a thousand times worse.

**_"We both know a long distance relationship couldn't last… It's for the best..I'm sorry Kitten."_**

"Damn," Castiel dropped his head against the door, maybe a little too hard as the thud echoed around the room. Castiel was too numb to feel the pain or Demon's licks at his fingers that were hanging limp at his side. With a heavy sigh Castiel slapped on the lights to the apartment and bent down to unhook Demon's chain, the rumbling that came from his stomach was so loud it even caught the dog's attention. It's been a few days. It didn't matter how hungry Castiel was, he just couldn't eat, everything tasted too bland._ Whats the point if everything tastes like shit._

"Go eat Buddy." Castiel winced at the sound of his weak voice, as his gently gave Demon a nudge. The dog refused to move from his spot, and stayed planted in front of Castiel with a defiant bark. "Pff." The first chuckle in a few days escaped from Castiel as a small smirk spread across his lips, "Suit yourself." Castiel grunted as he pushed himself off the ground, lazily walked over to flopped himself onto the sofa and turned the tv on to a non specific channel.

_**"Will their showman last, tune into Big Brother next Sund—"**_

"No." laying on his side, his head propped up on his arm, Castiel grumbled as he fiddled with the remote. Click.

_**"I love hi—"**_ Click.

_**"—started dating months ago but kept it under wraps from the media and fanbase—"**_ Click.

"Tch. The world is against me." Grumbling Castiel stormed over to where his Dad kept the American whiskey that he brought back from an international flight that he had recently done. Snatching it up with a glass and the whiskey stones from the freezer Castiel went back to in front of the TV flopping himself onto the sofa.

_**"And now our musical guests—"**_ Only half listening to the pogrom Castiel dumped the stones into the glass and cracked the seal on the bottle pouring what seemed like about a shot and a half has sat back lazily against the sofa. _**"—performing there first single off there album due to be released next month."**_Castiel stared blanking into the glass watching as the whiskey swirled round the stones in the glass._**"Here are Stars of Nightmares."**_

Its was almost as if someone shot 10 000 volts of electricity through Castiel as he shot straight up from the sofa, immediately alert. His heart began to race and his breathing became ragged as he watched Debrah perform on the tv. Well she doesn't look miserable. Not paying attention he threw back the glass, nearly chocking from the burning sensation he was prepared for. "Ack, fuck." Castiel grimaced as he leaned over and poured another drink. He became so involved with his recent ex on the screen he wasn't paying attention to the shot after shot he was taking. About half way into the interview Castiel found himself getting more and more irritated with the guitarist who constantly kept close to Debrah. "Who the hell does he think he is?" Castiel grumbled as he tried standing up but stumbled back slightly, after about the 5 shots of whiskey in a very short time Castiel was only now feeling the effects, and with the lack of food in his stomach it was all that much worse. Placing the glass down on the table as he was hunched over the sofa using the armrest as support as his other hand searched for his cellphone. "Tch. Bedroom." Castiel groaned as he stared at the relatively short distance from where he stood to the book bag on his bed that held his cellphone. _This isn't a good idea._ Taking one last look at Debrah smiling on the tv Castiel pushed himself away from the sofa and made his way to his bedroom where he snatched up his cell phone and flopped onto his bed as his pulled up her contact.

Castiel's breathing became heavier, his heart feeling as it was about to pound out of his chest. "Ugh, what the fuck am I doing. I'm acting like a little girl." A wry smirk spread across his face as he rubbed his forehead as he looked over to the guitar that was lying across his floor. Turning his attention back to his cell phone, Castiel let out a deep heavy sigh as he ran his free hand through his hair and hit the call button. He was shaking, not knowing if it was from the alcohol or his nerves, he didn't care. Nor did he care about how miserable and pathetic he would sound, _I just need to hear her voice, once more…please._ Closing his eyes as the phone began to make the call.

_**"Sorry The phone number you are trying to call is not in service. Please hang up—"**_

Castiel's eyes shot wide as the wind was knocked out of him. No, I must have hit something. Panicked Castiel sat straight up, ignoring the spins, as he tried to call again. "Common," He muttered through gritted teeth as he punched call again.

_**"Sorry The phone number you are try—"**_

"DAMNIT." gritting his teeth Castiel threw his cellphone into the chair across the room as he got up and began to pace around, not caring about the tears that began to fall. _Why the hell would she change her number?!_ Castiel ran both his hands through his hair, keeping a grip on the ends as he looked around his room. "If she can get over it, then fuck it." Castiel quickly went around his room and snatched up all the loose photos that Debrah took of them on various dates and times together and threw them directly into the trash on his way over to his guitar. Picking up the bright red instrument, flashes of the times he spent with her in the basement writing songs together, fooling around. "Tch." Castiel slammed the guitar in its case and roughly shoved it into the back of his closet and slamming the door behind him on his way to his bed where he passed out.

Later int the night Castiel was woken up when Demon finally decided to jump up next to him, "Ugh." Castiel rubbed his forehead as he remembered what had happened a few hours before. "Fuck." He mounded, as he got up to got to the bathroom for some water. Stopping in front of the garbage can, he stood there for what seemed for a few minutes before he bent down going to snatch one of the photos but quickly retracted his extended hand. _Fuck it. If she can't be bothered than neither will I_. Castiel continued onto the bathroom but as the bathroom door closed he couldn't take his eyes off of the closet door in his room, picturing in his mind the abandoned guitar that will end up just collecting dust.


	5. Love: The Start of a Relationship

"Tch, what the hell is he doing around her." Grumbling quietly to himself as he rummaged through his locker. Castiel had just come in to school, a period late and was periodically watching—more like staring—as Candy and another boy talked as they came out of a class._ Stop staring damnit._ Castiel broke his momentary stare and brought his attention back to looking through his locker. _Stop getting so damn worked up, they are just talking no big deal_— Castiel's head whipped around when he heard the familiar laugh come from Candy, _He must have said something funny, or teased her? No damnit that's my job._ Frowning, Castiel peeked his head around the locker door to see the two stand slightly closer together, her smiling up at him. _I thought I was the only one who could make her smile like that._ In that moment candy's head turned and her and Castiel's eyes met. Castiel quickly turned his attention back to his locker, and coulod feel his checks beginning to flush,_ Stupid!_.

"Morning Castiel! Late again I see." There was a soft chuckle in her voice and even though Castiel's back was towards her he could still picture her smile, and bright eyes. Everything that he had began to love seeing everyday at school.

"Pfff. You better not be turning into blondie on me and tell me off." Castiel chuckled as he continued to rummage through his locker, not for anything in particular. Just biding time until the red in his checks faded.

"Well now that you mention it I do have another note for you to sign."

_Here we go._ Castiel turned around with a huff and yanked the note from between Candy's fingers. Rolling his eyes when he flipped it over to see nothing but a lop sided heart scrawled across the paper. "Pfff." Castiel crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it into his locker before slamming it shut. "Think your funny now yeah?" A smile was threatening to spread across his face. Castiel could tell Candy was preparing to mutter some sort of a retort when suddenly she was caught off.

"See you around Candy!" The guy who candy was talking to earlier walked by, probably onto his next class. Castiel couldn't help but eye the guy down as he walked by.

"Yeah see ya!" Candy called after him with a wave and a smile, Castiel's stomached knotted up as he watched their little interaction as his attention turned back to her.

"Who was that guy?" castiel grumbled

"One of my partners for a project." She shrugged

"For a project?" Castiel cocked an eyebrow, "You guys seemed to be having a grand time joking around." Castiel grumbled as he looked back to where the guy had disappeared down the hall.

"He had some crazy idea for a diorama we have to do for history class. " She glanced up at Castile, _I'm not liking that smirk she is giving me._ "Why you asking Castiel? Are you jealous?" _Damnit. _

"Pff, like hell—" Castiel was mid sarcastic retort when he felt Candy's body against his and her soft lips against his cheek—which was now getting redder by the second.

"Just admit it." She whispered, Castiel could see the red on her checks as well as she pulled away, their eyes were locked.

Castiel let out a long sigh as he stepped closer to Candy, "Well maybe I am." he chuckled as he brushed some strands behind her ear. "Reserve that smile and beautiful laugh for me only…Are you ready to take that girlfriend position on now?"


	6. Love: Proposal

Castiel's palms were sweating and his heart was racing as he led Candy, his girlfriend for 5 years, into their bedroom in the condo they bought together a year ago.

"Castiel?" She laughed as she looked around and saw the room lit up only by candles. "Pff. You trying to burn the place down?" She glanced up at him with the beautiful teasing smile that every time has made Castiel fall deeper in love with her each time he's seen it.

"I have something important to tell you." Castiel chuckled as she pouted when he began to direct her towards the bed where his guitar was waiting on top of the case. His hand trailing along her back, he never changed from the moment they started dating till now he couldnt keep his hand off of her, not just sexually bit it was almost to make sure she wouldn't change her mind and run away on him.

As they both sat down Castiel grabbed his guitar and threw it over his shoulder. Looking up he burst out laughing, her look of bewilderment struck him funny._ fuck just nerves, dont blow this._ With a deep sigh he rested his arm on the hip of his guitar, "Good news. Lysander and I have been finally signed to a major record lable, the first—pff shut up let me finish." There was nothing harsh in Castiel's tone as he watched her beam with happiness and excitement. No, on the contrary he was soft as he scooted over closer to his lover. His heart beating so hard he was scared she would hear it as he leaned in close against her ear and softly sang the song he wrote for her all those years ago while still in school. The same song and method he used to confess his love to her. He cut the song short with a small kiss on her neck, "Thats going to be the first track on the album" he continued to whisper in her ear. "You caused the first track, forced me to smarten up all thoes years ago, and smashed through that wall I had up against you with an exploding wreaking ball." She giggled softly, _God, can she get any more perfect._ "Castiel, What—" "Im far from perfect Candy, but I have become more of a man over the years with your help than I ever could have managed by myself. The things we have accomplished and memories we have created just over 5 years make me—" Castiel trailed his fingers over Candy's taking her hand in his and gently squeezed it as he kicked open his guitar case, exposing the engagement ring, laughing as she gasped, "Makes me wonder what we can accomplish in a life time. What do you say?"


	7. The Kiss

_**"That idiot believes anything you tell him as long as you look him in the eye."**_

"Arugh! Fuck!" Castiel ran his hand through his hair gripping onto his hair in frustration. _She's gone. Fuck her._ Castiel let his hand flop down to his sides as he stared out into the blue ocean, closing his eyes took a deep breath of the breeze trying to calm himself before continuing down the beach bare foot. His jacket and shoes where somewhere behind him, Castiel wasn't all too sure how long he was walking or, lost in his thoughts, memories and pain. He simply couldn't shake the knot in his stomach, every time he saw her in his mind it only got worse. It was only a few hours ago he was up on cloud nine talking with his first love as if the past 6 months never even happened. _Now its just gone._

"CASTIEL!"

The familiar voice came from behind him, calling out to him. Turning around Castiel was practically knocked on his ass as Candy ran full-force into his chest and gripped tight onto his shirt, not showing any sign of willing to let go. "Tch, I thought I told you I needed some space." Although irritated Castiel couldn't bring himself to sound harsh, I was too rough on her the past few days. The knot in Castiel's stomach got worse at the thought, and regardless of his words, he didn't want to let her go now that she was here.

"Huff. I know. Huff. But I was scared—"

"What? You thought I was gonna go walk myself into the middle of the ocean." Castiel chuckled darkly as he gestured to the blue sea with a nod of his head. Candy's cheeks flushed a deep red as she tried to think of an answer, "For once your silent. You haven't shut up since you came here and now, when I need you, you wont say anything?" A wry smirk spread across Castiel's lips as he looked down at Candy.

"No. I— I mean—Hey! You just said that you wanted space then you say you need me to talk. What is with y—" Candy tried to pull away from Castiel but he didn't budge, he pulled her in closer against him.

"Don't. Just. Ugh come here." Castiel jokingly rolled his eyes as he let Candy go but his hand trail down her arm until he reached her hand. Intertwining their fingers Castiel tugged lightly at Candy, "Common lets keep walking. Pff we can grab some ice cream like before." The pair continued down mostly in silence, although it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. That was until Candy's foot fell through some loose sand and the pair fell down into the deepest hole Castiel had ever seen. In a quick effort to protect her Castiel tried to angle himself so he would land first, taking the majority of the blow. "Tch. What the hell. Little shits digging into the ground waiting to kill someone!" Castiel spat the moment he caught his breath back from the wind being knocked out of him. "Candy you alright?" Castiel's head was moving around too fast trying to look for a way up when their lips met. Castiel was expecting Candy to recoil and had removed his hand from her back so she could get up but instead she pushed her whole body onto him as she gripped onto his shirt. Still shocked, Castiel slowly let his hands fall to her waist groping and gripping onto her, not wanting to let her go. Sucking and lightly nibbling at her bottom lip Castiel heard a little moan escape from her. She shifted around rubbing against him as she pulled away with a playfull smirk on her face and sand falling from her hair.

"Don't ever put me through a day like that again." She whispered before leaning down agin, placing smaller, sweeter kisses on Castiel's laughing lips.

"Pfff. Deal."


	8. I love you': Part I

_**ASK:You are going to the class, but suddenly someone grab your hand. Its Candy. she looks at you sadly, and after a while she say that she loves you, and you see her body starting to shake before she run away in tears. How would u react? Would u stop her? What would you say..?**_

Castiel stood in place, shocked was what kept him on the the spot, _Did I hear that right?_

_**….I love you…**_

Castiel's heart fluttered at Candy's words but sunk just as fast when he remembered the sadness in her eyes. Shit "C-Candy! Wait!" It was too late she didn't hear him as Castiel watched as she disappeared around a corner. He ran after her around the corner but ran into a wall of students, classes were just about to start so all the students were in the hall trying to get where they were going. _Ah there!_ Castiel caught glimpse of Candy as she headed towards the stairwell. "Candy!" Castiel called out as he began to push through the bodies in the hallway, completely oblivious to the irritated 'hey!'s and 'watch it!'s Castiel had tunnel vision locked onto Candy, his girl. Finally Castiel was able to squeeze through the crowd and took the stairs two at a time as he was able to take a hold of Candy's hand. "Come here, stop running away." Castiel growled, but in his tough act he still gently guided Candy back down the stairs and in the little alcove where the door to the basement was. He gently pushed her against the wall and placed one of his hands on either side of her head. "Why did you finally admit you loved me with tears in your eyes?" Castiel dropped to his elbows on the wall getting his face closer to Candy's, he let out a huff as an unsure smirk appeared on his face as he brushed a few strands of hair behind her ears as he kept his eyes locked onto hers. "Why do you have to be so goddamn difficult and stubborn," Signing he gently placed his forehead on hers, "Were you scared I would laugh? Tease you? Deny you?" he whispered as he tried to force a smile as he took in her sweet sent that he had come to love. Castiel shifted so his lips were beside her ear, "Tell me what your crying for and I'll I'll kiss it better."


	9. I love you': Part II

_**ASK:"I...I thought you'd never returned my feelings, so I..I...", Candy started to cry softly, trying in every ways to avoid Castiel's eyes. "I-I wanted to tell you because I could no longer hold it in, I...I love you Castiel, and I can't stay away from you, damn it..", she finally said, biting her lip.**_

Pulling back, a wry smirk played across Castiel's lips as he watched Candy tear up, he always hated when girls cry, _Makes me feel useless._ "Hey. Hey, stop it with the crying yeah?" Castiel softly chuckled as he brought his hand up to gently brush away a few strands of hair back behind Candy's ear. Not letting his hand fall to his side Castiel caressed her face, his thumb absentmindedly stroking her cheek to wipe away the tears while his fingers softly trailed over the nape of her neck. His eyes locked onto hers, biting at his lower lip as Castiel searched for the words he wanted to say._ I know what I want to say, its been in my mind since she found out about the late night practices._ His mouth gaped open, about to speak but snapped shut. A small huff escaped from him as he smiled softly, his eyes screaming uncertainty.

**_I…I love you Castiel, and I can't stay away from you, damn it.."_**

"Pff. Glad you could finally admit it." Castiel chuckled as his hand on the back of Candy's neck pulled her closer against his body; his free hand slowly dropped from the wall and wrapped around her waist, pulling her in even closer. Lowering his face, he lightly brushed his lips against Candy's he could hear her breathing hitched slightly and the ferocious pounding of her heart. _Or is it mine?_

"I never asked you to stay away." Castiel cooed softly, about to lean in to capture her lips.

"MR. CASTIEL AND MS. CANDY! School is not the appropriate place for 'macking'! Arms length away and get to class." The principal screeched, scaring both Castiel and Candy who had jumped back from each other instinctively. Castiel defiantly rolled his eyes as he watched the old bat walk away, hearing a giggle coming from Candy he turned his attention back to her blushing and smirking face. Castiel rand a hand through his hair, trying to distract from his own reddening face as he took hold of Candy's hand pulling her to their next class.

"And yes you did." Candy mumbled pouting slightly as she looked up to face Castiel.

"Pff, when?" Castiel continued back to looking forward, jaw clenching, knowing full well what she was talking about.

"When Deb-"

"Don't. That was different and—"Castiel let out a heavy sigh as he softened his voice. "I was being dumb. We both know that. Just forget it." Castiel wiggled his hand around Candy's as his laced his fingers with her's and giving it a small squeeze. "Now shut up and keep up. You're walking pretty slow. Pff." Castiel smiled softly as he teased her.


End file.
